1.3 - Many Faces (Was That Me?)

All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts…

(As You Like It, Act 2, Scene 7 William Shakespeare)

 

What parts have you played in your life? Child? Brother? Sister? Stepchild?

Parent? Aunt? Uncle? Wife?

Husband? Partner?

Leader? Follower?

Success? Failure? Life of the Party? Wallflower?

And where have you played these parts?

Home? School? Work? Social club?

 

When we interact with others, we take on parts that fit the people and the situation.

Think about the parts you’ve played and the faces you’ve worn.

Identify 5 or 6 that you’ve played and, in a paragraph or more, tell about each.

Include the part, when you played it, whether it was fulfilling or disappointing or difficult, and if and how you would play it differently if given the opportunity.

Here are my examples: BossyPants, Responsible One, Sufferer, Wallflower, Teacher, Parent.

 

Examples

BossyPants

Admitting this is difficult, but I was and probably still am a bully. As a kid, I bossed some of my friends around. I don’t know where that came from. Maybe my dad. He had a demanding way about him when he spoke to my mother. I must have picked up on it because it seems that’s how I dealt with my friends. I must also have been told I was smart because I had a sense of superiority over my friends in that way, too. But mostly I could have my friends over to my house and yard to play or swim. My neighborhood friends had lots of kids in their families, so their homes, semi-attached brick ones with small yards, really couldn’t accommodate kids playing. My yard was just as small, but somehow my parents provided us with a basketball hoop, a swimming pool, and lots of games. I was in charge by the mere fact that it was my yard. As an adult, I think I lost my bullying ways for the most part. Though as a teacher I probably called on the behavior to reign in some uncooperative classes.

 

Responsible One

Being the responsible one is a role I’ve played in different circumstances in my life. As a parent of two sons, I took on the obvious caregiving responsibilities. As the only daughter of an aging mother with Parkinson’s disease, I became a part-time caregiver. In the early stages, I visited her to help with daily care and assist her in walking around the house. In its later stages when she was confined to bed, I prepared meals for the week for her, visited almost daily, and helped with bathing, cleaning, and toilet duties. From afar it seems like it would be difficult to do things like changing my mother’s diaper or soiled bed. But it simply was something I did because it had to be done. Like most people faced with such tasks, I did it without thinking or feeling too much. My mother needed it.

 

Sufferer

Playing the one hurt was common for me. If something didn’t go my way when I was a kid, I cried and felt sorry for myself and hoped my mother would notice and feel sorry for me, too. Usually, it worked. Having two older brothers weighed most decisions in my favor. I have to admit now that, most of the time, I got what I wanted, and they got the blame. I still use the martyr card today as an adult. But I tend to show my suffering by banging dishes and pots and pans around when I have to do dishes or cook and don’t want to or go silent when I’m not getting my way. Passive-aggressive is a good description of my behavior.

 

Wallflower

As a child, teenager, young adult, bashful described me. I hid behind my mother and rarely spoke when I was around adults. With kids I spoke a bit more, but I still held back, afraid of being laughed at or rejected. The same was true of my teenage years. I was okay in school talking with the teacher or with kids I knew for a long time. But I shied away from talking with new people. I just didn’t know what to say and didn’t want to say anything stupid. In college it really was tough because I made one or two friends in four years. It was a lonely existence. If not for sports and work, I would have no connections from that time. I finally came out of my shell when I worked at a clothing store and a sporting goods store. The people I worked with brought me out of it by reaching out to me and including me in their activities. Finally, I felt I had found a group I belonged with and equaled. This helped me as I got into teaching and was able to hold my own and eventually become a leader on the job.

 

Teacher

Looking back after thirty-five years as a teacher I can finally say I did it well. But on-the-job I rarely patted myself on the back. It seemed that no matter how hard I worked and planned, I was not good enough. Always someone was better at it, so I thought. Reality though was different. We were all good, but at different things. What made the others seem better was that they were more popular, or more loudly popular. I noticed my colleagues who made it obvious that kids were gathering around their desks after school to get “extra help.” And made it obvious that they were making themselves extremely available to provide it, bending over backwards to be there for “the kids.” What I came to realize is that I provided the same extra help to kids as they, and maybe more, but I didn’t publicize my philanthropic work because it was my job.

 

Parent

I am most amazed that I have been able to play the role of parent. I won’t make a judgement now, and maybe I never will. I guess only time will tell. What amazes me is that I knew what to do for my kids from the moment they came out of my womb. The thought of holding a minutes-old baby the proper way and making him feel loved is beyond my imagination, yet I did it. The idea that I took that baby home and could take care of him, nurture him, love him, and he survived, is beyond my imagination. And so, too, is the realization that I knew how to raise two babies to become delightful, amazing, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, handsome, loving young men.